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| Yea, looking at my last post I find it funny that I got so upset at Andrew... I think I was just upset because I always expect him to read my mind....
Anyway, currently I am working on my eyesight. I will update later. I
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| I am quite worried about China... well not going to China for a year, but I really want to go to China in the future for a long time like at least 4-5 years and study in a university over there in Chinese medicine maybe and this life that I am planning out now and the life I planned with Andrew doesn't match up...at all. And it upsets me because I really want to be with him, but at the same time I want to go after my goals and what I believe in. So where do you draw the line between your career path and love? I don't want to give up one or the other, because both of them are irreplaceable. | | |
| UGH
I just need to rant right now because I am extremely annoyed at Andrew. We have been dating for almost 2 years now and he still doesn't get my hints. Look, when I say "Yea, sure go to bed I am fine..." That means... "STAY UP AND COMFORT ME DAMMIT!" He knows by my body language by now when I am unhappy...and he knows that I'll say I am fine even when I am not. I am sorry that's just my personality I try hard to say I am upset, but I just...I would rather him know without having to tell him because I guess to me I would know he was paying attention to me and that he understood me which I guess in some sick way makes me feel more connected to him...I don't know.
Dammit Andrew, why can't you take my hints? 2 years really? I mean I could understand if I had only been dating you for a week, but you know me by now...you know my quirks and my personality and everything and what do I get? You just leave. And you know I am upset, I know you do...because when I don't say I love you back that means I am upset. But I guess you're too tired to put up with it huh? Too tired of me, perhaps I am just to troublesome for you. Maybe it's just not worth it anymore. Perhaps sleeping is better then making things work with me. I mean if that's how you feel then fine. Feel that way. I can't believe I even waited for you to get back online to try to talk to me. I'm stupid because I am still waiting and it's already 2:37. I guess I should just go to bed huh?
Nite then. And don't expect and I love you, because you're not getting one. Not tonight.
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| I am down to 133 lbs, but this was not due to eating right and working out. I have been extremely stressed, depressed and sleep deprived for 3 weeks. I am so worried about what the government is doing...these stupid swine flu vaccinations...plagues breaking out in countries after planes spray some weird crap into the atmosphere... Plagues where the lungs reach extremely high temperatures and turn as black as coal. Hearing about FEMA camps, which look similar to the concentration camps during the holocaust... I am just so worried, and on top of it I have homework to do, exams to do, papers to write... So of course my health has taken a back seat. I haven't eaten a decent meal in weeks. Good thing I am off meal plan or else I probably wouldn't have been eating anything... Main snacks have been pieces of bread, yogurts, and pudding. But I am out of yogurt and pudding so mostly bread and butter. I try to drink water and orange juice, I know vitamins are important so I feel if I at least drink some orange juice I'll be fine. But it's like I have given up on this world. So much crap is happening, but no ones cares. We are a land of zombies, everyone is glued to their televisions, everyone is nothing but a consumer. We have been programmed to be entertained and to be consumers.
That is our only function in this world.
I talk to my mom about it. She said the most important thing to have is hope and to think positively. Even when things get rough, that's the only thing that will keep you from going insane. I know too much, and sometimes I wish I were the neo who took the blue pill and not the red one.
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